Elimination Chamber Debate
Unfortunately, I kid you not, RAW opens with not only another talking segment, but this time, its a freaking debate involving the six superstars from Sunday's Elimination Chamber match...
CM Punk's reaction explains it all. Who gives a fuck honestly?
But for those who do...
Up on the titantron they explain to the viewers at home that John Larinigitis (one of these days I'll figure out how to spell that word correctly) kept his job via WWE.com, but good ol' Mr Excitement himself can't help but come out and reintroduce himself to the live crowd, before disappearing backstage just as quick.
Punk decides to once again crack jokes on J.Ace regarding blackmail and naked animal sex pics, (WWE PG be damned) as Ziggler and Truth trade insults at one another regarding spiders, and dolphins. Truth was somewhat comical here... probally because he took a look at his last year of his career before coming out for this segment.
Miz interrupts and once again preaches that he was in the main event of Wrestlemania 27, and buzzer be damned he gets out every single line of his promo and personally I loved every second of his over run response. It displayed a certain I dont give a fuck about the rules attitude.
Eventually King moves onto Jericho, who decides to actually do what a debate is designed for an present information to support your cause. Or at least that's what I think debates are supposed to be for, I never really gave a damn about them in school and I didn't really care about this one here tonight.
Jericho mentions that back in 2010, he went into an Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, and walked out a Champion... with a little assist from Shawn Michaels, but none the less he leaves out the part about losing said championship to Jack freaking Swagger only a month later, this leads to him leaving from behind his podium and once again turning his attention to Punk.
Because we all know that (the people at the arena) paid to see their favorite superstars chit chatting for 15 minutes without even a single punch thrown, Kofi Kingston finally puts an end to this "non violent" debate with a sweet Trouble in Paradise to Jericho leading into the first match of the night.
Jericho def. Kingston via pinfall
Standard match, nothing overly special here... With this loss, I am afraid that Kingston is now tied with Miz in "best chance to lose in 6th place" on Sunday
Orton def. Big Show via disqualification following Daniel Bryan interferance
Orton botches his own finisher during this one and recieves the subsequent "You fucked up" chant from the crowd. Wonder if Big Show will get blamed for this one?
Daniel Bryan, however finally does something truly heelish by hitting both Orton AND Show with the title belt while smiling... all heel moves... but then again, he's been booed for weeks so a "heel" turn doesn't really matter at this point.
*Spoiler Alert for Smackdown* Orton out, Santino Marella in, after Orton suffered concussion from said title shot to the head. More support for Bryan because he is doing whatever he can, even including injuring superstars (in storyline) to keep his championship.
Shawn Micheals / Triple H promo feat. Undertaker cutting his hair
Another Triple H promo that goes way longer than it needs to as he repeats several key lines and loses the impact every time each repeated word is said (see what I did there?)
Shawn calls Hunter a coward for declining Taker's challenge. HHH claims Michaels just wants him to accept and beat Taker because deep down Shawn is mad he couldn't beat Taker himself...
Taker interrupts on the titantron with another video message and is shown cutting his trademark "wig from two weeks ago" black hair, and a possible tease at the return of the Big Evil / American Bad Ass character.
What started as me yawning over the repeated promos from last year, I am now extremely interested in where this goes.
Truth def. Ziggler via roll-up pinfall
Ziggler proceeds to care more about "showing off" then winning the match and proceeds to do sit-ups instead of going for the win, so Truth steals a win by rolling him up. Nothing special here, other than the battle of the one-ups.
Tamina (who is apparently now using her last name) Snuka def. Brie Bella via pinfall
Tamina fights off both Brie in the ring and Nikki on the ring ropes as Beth Phoenix sits on commentary.
She actually hits a series of genuine wrestling moves including a properly executed Superfly Splash in one of the longest non PPV Divas matches in a long time. At least this time she properly tucked her leg back for the Splash.
Tamina Snuka vs. Beth Phoenix for the Divas Championship is announced for this Sunday
Following a Rock "promoting Journey 2" video promo... Cena and Kane deal with botches, bitches, and Zack Ryder
In what was another botch of the evening... They cut to Eve and Kane way to early and show Eve (who is supposed to be screaming and being thrown into the ambulance against her will) leisurely walking into position as Kane actually had to get tapped on the shoulder by the script holder for his cue to actually start the segment. As if this storyline doesn't make Kane look stupid enough now you got botches he can't control.
Cena fights off Kane, Kane retreats to the driver seat, and Eve jumps out of both the ambulance, and her top, into Cena's awaiting arms and mouth, as Kane drives off, with Ryder looking disgusted nearby.
We return from commercial to see Ryder rolling away as Eve apologizes for not being completely topless in the previous segment (not really) and putting him into the "friend zone" before he rolls off again without saying a word
CM Punk def. The Miz via submission
*personal note* Because potentially injuring your fellow superstars due to your botches earns you a main event match the following week... take notes Tyler Reks
Punk kind of dominates this match without making Miz out to be a jobber, hits his top rope Savage elbow drop, attempts the GTS, gets countered by Miz into a SCF, which in turn gets countered into the Anaconda Vice for the win.
As I stated earlier that with Kingston losing to Jericho it knocked him into that "6th place" spot for Sunday's PPV with Miz only slightly ahead due to Punk having to look strong being that he IS the WWE Champion.
Cena gets main event time to talk about bitches, broskis, more botches, and breaking kayfabe
Cena claims that Eve kissing him was part of Kane's plan all along... if so, can Kane beat the shit out of me for a couple of weeks? Please?
After once again teasing the audience with a heel turn and earning himself some "We All Hate You" and "Fruity Pebbles" chants Ryder rolls out the stage and proceeds to botch selling his neck injury by dropping one of his crutches off his knees and attempting to reach for it way to quickly if his neck was really broken.
After slowly making it to the ring while obviously forgetting what injuries he was supposed to be selling, he climbs, Broski slaps Cena (see what I did there?) and once again gets BLOCKED (twice, in one night by Cena... damn) only this time its after Ryder tries to punch him, so it was deserved.
After tripping back onto his ass, and doing more injury selling Ryder gets himself back into his wheelchair, as Kane appears on the titantron and cuts what I can only assume is his final HATE promo leading into this Sunday's Ambulance match.
However, as it finishes, Cena (off-camera) goes to grab a microphone to respond only for Kane to appear behind Ryder and push the Long Island Iced Z off the stage onto the concrete which I admit even looked tough to watch because of the way Ryder's ankles dragged underneath the chair
*personal note* Jeezus WWE we get it, Ryder gave you guys horrible ratings during that one main event a few weeks ago, but 3 or 4 injury angles in a row... not to mention you not only force the guy to move his Youtube show over to your stupid WWE channel, but you also disable the comments that allowed for everyone to voice their support the guy... enough is enough
Eve comes out, with her top still unbuttoned (I'm sorry, I notice these things) and does her best duckface impression, flashing the camera a little ass crack as she kneels down to check on Ryder.
Cena gives the "oh shit a serious injury just happened X sign" and the EMTs attempt to figure out how to work a stretcher as one of the fans in the front row wearing a Rey Mysterio mask attempts to take pictures of Eve's cleavage.
Considering there is only four matches on the card for this Sunday's Pay-Per View, this show actually did a good job of selling the three that RAW is responsible for... its only unfortunate that there's only four goddam matches on the card and so much underused talent backstage. But knowing WWE, they will probally add 1 or 2... or as we saw at the Royal Rumble THREE unannounced matches just to fill up the usual average seven match card
As I sign off I make a prediction that an unannounced United States Championship as well as a Tag Team Championship will take place... the only problem I see is... I haven't watched Superstars or NXT enough lately to give a damn about who a possible challenger for either title would be. After all Ryder is technically the #1 contender until he loses his rematch...